What Each Best Picture Nominee Will Say About The Academy
Before we watch the Oscars tonight, let’s take a look at each Best Picture Nominee and determine what statement each movie will make if it wins.
We’re sorry, Christopher Nolan. We screwed you by not nominating The Dark Knight for Best Screenplay or Best Picture, and then we didn’t nominate you for Best Editing and Best Director for Inception. We appreciate what you did for movies last summer and would like to make it up to you by electing Inception as Best Picture. Please don’t hate us.”
This ain’t your parents’ Academy anymore! We’re so progressive that we voted for a movie that includes cunnilingus! Look how relevant we are. Please, viewers aged 18-49, watch the Oscars!
TOY STORY 3
We want to make a statement. Toy Story 3 is the best animated movie of all-time, and this is the best time to elect an animated movie Best Picture. It deserved it, and we want to make some noise.
We. Love. The. Coen. Brothers.
We are still riding on a high from The Hurt Locker. This is the indie sleeper we chose, and although it is not the best one, we are going to vote for it to prove you wrong.
THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT
We screwed up by not giving the Oscar to Brokeback Mountain. Now it’s socially acceptable to vote for a film about gay people!
THE SOCIAL NETWORK
This is the movie of our time. This and Inception will be the movies most remembered from 2010. We are going to pick this so we don’t have another Shakespeare in Love on our hands.
THE KING’S SPEECH
We are sophisticated. We want to show America that we’re better than everyone else, so we’re going to elect a movie about British royalty to show how high-class we are, because we can relate to them. Also, we can’t say no to Harvey Weinstein. He throws such nice parties!
We loved Rocky. Did you know that Mark Wahlberg worked out for four straight years while trying to get this film produced? Did you see Christian Bale’s transformation? He was the best Boston douchebag we’ve seen since Jeremy Renner in The Town. Also, we’re afraid David O. Russell might beat us up.
Thanks for hosting the show, James!