Charlie Sheen and Why He’s “Winning”
I may be in the minority, but I think we should all give Charlie Sheen a bit of a break. Yes, the shit that’s flying out of his mouth is out-of-this-world ridiculous and a tad alarming, but I have now considered it to be pure entertainment. Here’s why:
After watching (and re-watching, and re-watching, and re-watch.. you get the picture) his interview with Good Morning America (found HERE), I’m convinced that the Charlie Sheen that has taken over our news and tabloids is who Charlie Sheen actually is. He’s always been a fucking nut, but now that he’s not only “winning,” but “bi-winning,” he’s considered a lost cause.
NEWS FLASH you fucks: there are some brutally honest and opinionated celebrities out there who just don’t give a shit what peasants like us think. This guy makes $2 million an episode on “Two and a Half Men” (well, made, now that he’s been fired – RIP Charlie Harper), makes money from the syndication of his show, and probably rakes it in from other sources as well. So why WOULD he care what people think? He’s on cloud nine with his hookers and cigarettes, he’s actually not bothering anyone, and he coined the most fucking brilliant phrase since Paris Hilton dropped “that’s hot” on us. Yes, I’m referring to “tigers blood.” It’ll be the name of a Gatorade-like drink in the near future, I’m sure. There’s already a bagel store in Brooklyn that’s selling orange-colored bagels and calling them Tigers Blood. True story.
But let’s get our shit together here. I truly think Sheen knows what he’s doing. He hasn’t gotten this much press since his drug binge in the 90s. Hell, he looks a little frail, but doesn’t nearly look as fucked up as he did when he played a druggie who had been arrested in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then fuck off. Seriously.
Even McDonalds is jumping on the Charlie Sheen bandwagon. At some point last week, the “McLobster” was a trending topic on Twitter, which was a frightening thought because I don’t understand how people even eat the Filet-O-Fish, so I couldn’t process the possibility of lobster coming to a fast food chain. But that’s a whole other story. The point is, McDonalds tweeted this:
Despite all the rumors there r no plans 2 bring #mclobster or mcsushi 2 the US menu. We r working on a new menu item called McWinning.
I don’t know what the McWinning will be, if even a real thing, but if they do name a sandwich after Charlie Sheen, and are calling it the McWinning, then it better fucking contain some nuggets, french fries, lettuce and special sauce… on a whole wheat bun.
So not only has McDonalds hopped on the Charlie Sheen bandwagon, but what’s going on with him has helped bring in the ratings for reruns of “Two and a Half Men.” A rerun of the show was the highest rated program of the night, so he’s clearly doing something right. When celebrity trainwrecks come our way, we tend to shun them (i.e.: Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears when she had her meltdown [but she’s back, bitches, so don’t hate on my girl], Courtney Love)… so the fact that people are still tuning into Sheen’s show speaks volumes. And HELLO, more importantly – he passed every drug test that he has taken this past month. So suck it.
Truthfully – I think you’re all on Team Charlie, yet feel ashamed to admit it. I don’t know why people are ashamed. He’s kind of brilliant, a little crazy, but what brilliant person isn’t crazy? I’m incredibly brilliant and I’m a fucking nut — see, point proven.
Anyway, I’m on Team Charlie because I want to be “winning.” And for your viewing pleasure, check out the auto tuned version of Charlie Sheen’s interview with GMA HERE – brought to you by the same guys who gave us the “Bed Intruder Song.”