Charlie Sheen and Why He’s “Winning”


I may be in the minority, but I think we should all give Charlie Sheen a bit of a break. Yes, the shit that’s flying out of his mouth is out-of-this-world ridiculous and a tad alarming, but I have now considered it to be pure entertainment. Here’s why:

After watching (and re-watching, and re-watching, and re-watch.. you get the picture) his interview with Good Morning America (found HERE), I’m convinced that the Charlie Sheen that has taken over our news and tabloids is who Charlie Sheen actually is. He’s always been a fucking nut, but now that he’s not only “winning,” but “bi-winning,” he’s considered a lost cause.

NEWS FLASH you fucks: there are some brutally honest and opinionated celebrities out there who just don’t give a shit what peasants like us think. This guy makes $2 million an episode on “Two and a Half Men” (well, made, now that he’s been fired – RIP Charlie Harper), makes money from the syndication of his show, and probably rakes it in from other sources as well. So why WOULD he care what people think? He’s on cloud nine with his hookers and cigarettes, he’s actually not bothering anyone, and he coined the most fucking brilliant phrase since Paris Hilton dropped “that’s hot” on us. Yes, I’m referring to “tigers blood.” It’ll be the name of a Gatorade-like drink in the near future, I’m sure. There’s already a bagel store in Brooklyn that’s selling orange-colored bagels and calling them Tigers Blood. True story.

But let’s get our shit together here. I truly think Sheen knows what he’s doing. He hasn’t gotten this much press since his drug binge in the 90s. Hell, he looks a little frail, but doesn’t nearly look as fucked up as he did when he played a druggie who had been arrested in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then fuck off. Seriously.

Even McDonalds is jumping on the Charlie Sheen bandwagon. At some point last week, the “McLobster” was a trending topic on Twitter, which was a frightening thought because I don’t understand how people even eat the Filet-O-Fish, so I couldn’t process the possibility of lobster coming to a fast food chain. But that’s a whole other story. The point is, McDonalds tweeted this:

Despite all the rumors there r no plans 2 bring #mclobster or mcsushi 2 the US menu. We r working on a new menu item called McWinning.

I don’t know what the McWinning will be, if even a real thing, but if they do name a sandwich after Charlie Sheen, and are calling it the McWinning, then it better fucking contain some nuggets, french fries, lettuce and special sauce… on a whole wheat bun.

So not only has McDonalds hopped on the Charlie Sheen bandwagon, but what’s going on with him has helped bring in the ratings for reruns of “Two and a Half Men.” A rerun of the show was the highest rated program of the night, so he’s clearly doing something right. When celebrity trainwrecks come our way, we tend to shun them (i.e.: Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears when she had her meltdown [but she’s back, bitches, so don’t hate on my girl], Courtney Love)… so the fact that people are still tuning into Sheen’s show speaks volumes. And HELLO, more importantly – he passed every drug test that he has taken this past month. So suck it.

Truthfully – I think you’re all on Team Charlie, yet feel ashamed to admit it. I don’t know why people are ashamed. He’s kind of brilliant, a little crazy, but what brilliant person isn’t crazy? I’m incredibly brilliant and I’m a fucking nut — see, point proven.

Anyway, I’m on Team Charlie because I want to be “winning.” And for your viewing pleasure, check out the auto tuned version of Charlie Sheen’s interview with GMA HERE – brought to you by the same guys who gave us the “Bed Intruder Song.”

I’m out.


4 Responses to “Charlie Sheen and Why He’s “Winning””
  1. TristenS says:

    Epic. I completely agree with you in that the Charlie Sheen we’re now seeing isn’t someone who was once a normal, everyday contributing member to the human race, he’s someone who’s real personality has been hidden behind his representation BECAUSE this how he truly operates!! – Despite this – I will not be, nor have I ever been a card carrying member of Team Sheen. – quote me.

  2. Rah says:

    I’m on Team Sheen

  3. Sure, let him be who he wants to be, even if that is a total nut job. But with regards to “he’s actually not bothering anyone”, I disagree. You bring kids into this world, it is no longer just about you. Have some consideration for what your kids will have to deal with because you are a public dumbass.

    • itsalexandra says:

      I actually had every intent to discuss his children, and just completely forgot. But what I meant by “not bothering anyone” was that he hasn’t really caused a public disturbance. What goes on in terms of his family is a private matter – we don’t know the WHOLE truth of what’s going on with his children. Denise Richards has primary custody of their two daughters, and Brooke has custody of their two sons — but to be fair, Brooke isn’t all that stable herself. In the public sense, Sheen hasn’t been a public nuisance and he hasn’t disturbed anyone. The only thing people seem to find disturbing are his words. As far as we’ve been made to know, he’s clean, sober – just off the wall. That being said, I’d still rather have Charlie Sheen as my father than Michael Lohan.

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