Dear Internet… Rebecca Black
Dear Internet… Today I’d like to discuss the topic of Rebecca Black. For about a week, a trending topic on my twitter feed was “Rebecca Black.” Now, of course, my first reaction was “who the balls is that, Jack Black’s daughter?” But it was not Jack Black’s daughter. I don’t know if he actually has a daughter, but I imagine she’d be some kind of portly misfit named something significantly more awesome like “Rambunctious Deedeeleedee Black.”
As it turns out, Rebecca Black is something far worse than that. Imagine someone with less singing talent than Ke$ha, who looks vaguely like Lea Michele from Glee (only she doesn’t appear to be dying when she “sings”), and “sings” a “song” more simplistic than anything Justin Bieber or Jack Johnson have ever done. That’s Rebecca Black’s “Friday.” And it’s some kind of YouTube sensation. And it is awful. If you haven’t heard it… don’t. I finally discovered it today while doing laundry and I wanted to punch something but the only stuff around was my clothing and who punches clothes?
Rebecca Black is a “musician” so untalented, I actually started to appreciate Katy Perry for more than her glorious tits. So I ask… Dear Internet, how the hell did this happen? Frankly, I’ll hear none of your excuses. Just get rid of it like tact on a message board.