609 Days Ago


I have a thing for redheads. So much so that I did an entire stand-up act devoted to my love for the ginger species and now I’m letting you into what once was a twisted, convoluted 21 year old brain to see just how crazy the adoration once was… Prepare yourselves.

Writer’s Note: This blast of brain function was written on my iPod 609 days ago…

Dear DNA, you couldn’t make my recessive genes any stronger?

When really taking the time to look at my genetic make up I noticed that while my eyes are brown, they’re not necessarily dark. And while there’s some green, they’re not quite hazel. They are in between that awkward brown to hazel phase that’s not likely to reach either maximum. As for my skin – I”m comprised of 75% Italian blood so you’d think I was a bronzed goddess; this is not quite the case because while I’m not as white as Casper, I’m not quite Sophia Loren either. I have enough freckles to create an entire galaxy of melanoma tumors some way down the line (hopefully never but I feel as though the likelihood is a little stronger than most.) Now to the hair – it is dark enough to think that (along with my white epidermis and freckles) that I should be followed by a flock of dwarves. If my Snow White reference was confusing just assume that my hair is dark. The questionable part of my hair is that it has red (ginger) locks at the crown.

This brings me to the topic at hand: gingers. They are one of the most appropriately named specimens on the planet (next to sloths or black birds). Red heads are so incredibly recessive that I’m almost jealous of them. What better way to stick out in a crowd that having crimson locks and chocolate sprinkles scattered upon a skin of snow?

I did a stand up act not too long ago where my only jokes were based upon how fat I am as a result of recessionary eating (free food at happy hour? totally down) and gingers. Being a girl who has dated a number of gingers (okay only 3… but ironically enough they only consist of 3% of the entire global population) I think that I have enough pre-requisites in this particular field of study to draw a reputable enough conclusion that gingers are hot.We all look for people in the world who stand out, but who needs a crazy wardrobe (or even a personality for that matter) when there’s a billboard for uniqueness splattered on your head! Gingers easily stand out in a crowd with their carrot tops (no pun intended).

The problem that all redheads face, though, is extinction. They’re about to be wiped out with other life forms in the current mass extinction we’re facing. “How do we fix this?”, you may ask yourself – well, I have the solution. A for-profit NGO to be called “Save the Gingers” We must save the recessive genes! I encourage ginger couples to procreate so that your people won’t become extinct!

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