Box Office Barometer 12-12-11: Calculating Actors’ Values

Movies like New Years Eve get made, because studios think “star = money, therefore more stars = more money.”  Thus, we get this concoction of 18 “stars” in a two hour movie.  Even just by looking at the movie poster, you can’t ascertain anything except “actors,” “New Years Eve,” and “smiles.”  Since the movie only made $13.8 million, let’s figure out how much each star contributed to the total.

Katherine Heigl

She’s just glad that she was asked to be in the movie to keep up the illusion that she’s a star.  She’s lost all her appeal from Knocked Up, and hasn’t made a good movie since, maybe, 27 Dresses, the movie after Knocked Up?  Value: $0

Sarah Jessica Parker

One would assume Sex and the City fans would like movies like this, making SJP a logical candidate for a role.  However, he last solo effort, I Don’t Know How She Does It, has only earned $9.6 million stateside, so Value: $100?

Til Schweiger

He was in Inglourious Basterds, therefore he adds street cred.  But, if the studio’s trying to attract people on name recognition alone, who in American knows Til Schweiger? Perhaps this is an appeal to the German market? Value: A cool thou.

Hector Elizondo

They got the guy from Valentine’s Day!!!! Wait…what? In an appeal to the older crowd, they got an actor from Pretty Woman and Runaway Bride, but it doesn’t look like Julia Roberts has enough box office magic to expend to her friends.  Value: $However much a prostitute costs, or any other bad Pretty Woman joke.

Josh Duhamel

Is he in here for being an actor or for being Fergie’s husband? Value: $63.57 (the average price of a Black Eyed Peas ticket)

Michelle Pfeiffer

Another appeal to the older crowd.  Great actress, but she most likely got to role (along with Elizondo) because she worked with director Garry Marshall on 1991’s Frankie and Johnny.  Value: $750 million, or not close to a percentage of, as Jack Nicholson famously made of the merchandising rights of Batman.

Halle Berry

They got an Oscar-winning actress in this! But she’s more famous now for being fit after a pregnancy than a recent role.  $0 for ruining Storm in X-Men

Hilary Swank

They got a two-time Oscar-winning actress in this!  However, she couldn’t muster more than $14.2 million on her $40-million budgeted Amelia.  If people aren’t coming out for a lead role, why would they come out to see her supporting? $2 (the Academy will purchase your Oscar for $1 if you try to sell it).

Ugh, there’s so many more people.  Let’s do this quickly.

Sofia Vergara

Modern Family is an ensemble comedy, so it would make sense to cast her in an ensemble movie.  Only this time, these work on the star power of their actors.

Lea Michele

Same as Vergara.  It looks like Chris Colfer will be the only break-out star of Glee because he also writes and directs.

Robert De Niro

What is the Tribeca Film Festival’s founder doing in this movie? Nah, people will always look up whenever somebody mentions he is in a movie.

Abigail Breslin

The girl from Little Miss Sunshine, five years later.  She has been passed by Chloe Moretz and Elle Fanning.

Seth Myers

Trying to get some young men into the theater, I see.  Let’s hurry up and give him a Fever Pitch so we can give him his own talk show.

Jessica Biel

Another holdover from Valentine’s Day.  That can’t be a good sign when you’re in the sort-of sequel of an ensemble film.

Chris “Ludacris” Bridges

You must admit, he’s put together a pretty decent body of acting work (Fast and the Furious series…all right that’s about it).  But! He’s second to Mos Def in the rapper-turned-actor category (take that, Ice Cube!).

Zac Efron

Charlie St. Cloud = $31.1 million.  Me and Orson Welles = $1.1 million.

Ashton Kutcher

His cheating scandal didn’t break at the right time for his movie about love and relationships.  Also, Two and a Half Men’s ratings have been steadily declining since his debut.  He isn’t worth as much on screen as he is off.

Jon Bon Jovi

Older women absolutely love him.  There is no doubt in my mind that moms everywhere bought tickets just so they could fall in love with him again.  Since we didn’t try to hard with the values anyway, JBJ is credited with all $13.8 million.  Congratulations, Jon!  We’re still fans of the Philadelphia Soul!

Box Office Results [from Deadline]

1. New Years Eve (Warner Bros) NEW [3,505 Theaters]
Friday $5M, Saturday $5.3M, Weekend $13.8M

2. The Sitter (Fox) NEW [2,750 Theaters]
Friday $3.7M, Saturday $3.9M, Weekend $10M

3. Breaking Dawn Part 1 (Summit) Week 4 [3,605 Theaters]
Friday $2.4M, Saturday $3.4M, Weekend $8M, Cume $259.5M

4. The Muppets (Disney) Week 3 [3,328 Theaters]
Friday $1.6M, Saturday $3.3M, Weekend $7.2M, Cume $66M

5. Arthur Christmas (Sony) Week 3 [3,272 Theaters]
Friday $1.4M, Saturday $3.2M, Weekend $6.5M, Cume $33.5M

6. Hugo (Paramount) Week 3 [2,608 Theaters]
Friday $1.5M, Saturday $2.8M, Weekend $6M, Cume $33.4M

7. The Descendants (Fox Searchlight) Week 4 [876 Theaters]
Friday $1.3M, Saturday $2.1M, Weekend $4.6M, Cume $23.9M

8. Happy Feet Two (Warner Bros) Week 4 [2,840 Theaters]
Friday $840K, Saturday $1.7M, Estimated Weekend $3.M, Cume $56.8M

8. Jack and Jill (Sony) Week 5 [2,787 Theaters]
Friday $870K, Saturday $1.4M, Weekend $3.1M, Cume $68.6M

10. Tower Heist (Universal) Week 6 [2,069 Theaters]
Friday $734K, Saturday $XM, Weekend $2.5M, Cume $74.2m

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